Say what?

A few days ago I went to the UPS store to ship a package. While standing around waiting for the clerk to figure out what size box he needed, I read the list of services offered, posted high on the wall opposite the counter like a fast food menu. The options beneath “packaging services” included “crating” and “cartonizing.” Cartonizing – so maybe that’s what was taking the kid so long; he was looking for a box . . .

At my Y there is a sign by the drinking fountain that reads, “Please do not spit in the water fountain.” (No, I am not making this up.) The assumption here is that someone who would spit in a drinking fountain can read. I think that’s a pretty big leap. On the bulletin board in the hallway are listed “upcoming events.” As opposed to what? Downcoming events? Why not just “coming events?”

Among my favorite repetitive redundancies, a category of language abuse dear to my heart, is “free gift.” Well, yeah  . . .  if you had to pay for it, it wouldn’t be a gift. Another big DUH is “supplies are limited.” Of course they are. We live in a finite world, people.

Turning to entertainment, I remember when an R in a TV listing let you know that the episode was a rerun. Now, we assume the program’s been aired before unless there’s an N there. As for on-air promotion, why do the networks trumpet a coming show as “all-new”? Next week! All-new NCIS! I find this totally bizarre. Are they implying that they sometimes air a “part-new” episode? Maybe they occasionally rewrite just half the script and hope people won’t notice.

Among my favorite signs is one I saw on the door of a shop in Aukland, New Zealand: “No children without parents.” Eh? In the west of  Ireland, I spotted a notice stating, “Opening hours: 10-5 daily, except when not.” I love that one. But the most succinct and best-ever business sign I’ve seen was right here in my own neighborhood, a hand-lettered signboard propped in front of a near-by tavern - “Open ‘til closed.” I’m so glad they clarified that.