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Since 1984, my light commentary, Marginal Considerations, has been a feature of Weekend Radio. Moving into the 21st century (yeah, I know - a decade late and more than a dollar short), it may be time to explore the format known as "the blog." (Still on the radio, BTW.) I am the author of A Natural History of Socks, illustrated by the late Eric May, You May Already Be a Winner (and other marginal considerations) and The Nonexistence of Rutabagas, plus maybe 1K features, essays, book and arts reviews in newspapers and magazines nearly everywhere, except perhaps Kansas. I live on Lake Erie one city to the west of Cleveland with too many musical instruments, several large plants and no cats. My front door is purple. I collect dust, take up space and burn fossil fuel. I kayak, knit, hike, sing, canoe, write choral music and play hammered dulcimer, but not all at the same time. I read too much and don't write enough, but what's new?

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The answer is, “Are these people on drugs?”


The clue, my friends, is “Wheel of Fortune contestants.”
Yes, it’s true. I have a TV. I got the set - and cable service - a few years ago so I could watch Cavaliers’ b-ball. (We will not discuss that period of my life. It’s just too pathetic.) I’ve since cancelled the cable. I can get PBS, plus four broadcast stations, and on evenings that I find myself at home, I’m likely to watch “Jeopardy” on one of them.
In this market, “Wheel” immediately precedes Alex and his blue-screen categories. If I’m a little too quick in switching over at the end of the sober PBS “News Hour,” I catch Vanna, the ultimate Stepford wife, turning over some letters. 
Not that I mind Vanna. She does her job well. In addition, she crochets afghans and lends her name to a line of inexpensive acrylic yarn. Who could harbor ill will toward anyone who crochets afghans? And smiles all the time. (OK, that part is a little creepy.)
I do find Pat Sajak kind of unsettling. His mostly blank eyes seem just a bit too close together. Or maybe slightly crossed. I’m not sure. Then again, that set resembles a Japanese pachinko machine, all flashing lights, crayon colors and manic movement. Imagine working in that environment day after day. It would make anyone’s glazed-over eyes cross. 
But the contestants on this show? These people clap like crazed seals and jump up and down like five-year-olds who need to go to the bathroom. (From the looks of things, they’re screaming as well, but I can’t be sure since I keep my thumb on the mute button.) The only explanation is massive doses of stimulants. Some assistant producer, one of those under-paid young women carrying a clip board, probably force-feeds them espresso shots for a good twenty minutes before they go on. 
What bothers me most about “Wheel of Fortune,” though, is not the totally cheesy set or Vanna’s frozen face with its forever smile. I don’t even mind the somewhat odd host that much. What really bugs me about “Wheel” is that I can almost never figure out the puzzles. How in the world these people manage to do so while clapping and jumping up and down ( and possibly screaming) is completely beyond me.
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1 comment:

  1. DeeNovember 9, 2011 at 5:32 PM

    Dear Jan, I don't watch the show, but like you, I do watch the PBS Newshour each weeknight. It's last half hour is the half hour that Wheel is on.

    So while the credits are running for the Newshour I switch to NBC for what's coming up and frequently see that last part where one person had to discover some phrase or thing or event with only a few letters. Like you, I'm absolutely stumped whenever I see the screen. Is it that I didn't learn phonics? Am I not witty enough? Are my brain synapses screwy-lewy?

    Or could it be those dastardly stimulants you suspect that young woman with the clipboard is pressing on the contestants?????

    Ah Ha! a mystery.

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